On Being A Faithful Mum

My granddaughter, Mimi, said to me one day when she was only three years old, “Grandma, I’m really good at multi-tasking.”  I was always checking her to see if she understood the big words she used, and so I said, “I don’t think you know what multi-tasking means.”  “Yes I do”, she replied before defining it as well as Webster could, “it means doing lots of things at the same time.”  It is a skill that will come in handy, especially when she becomes a mum.  Mums are usually outstanding multi-taskers.  I have been amazed as I make it through all the things I must do each day over here, that I have still managed to think about my children and grandchildren nearly every waking moment.  They are never out of my mind.  Sometimes I’m remembering precious moments, sometimes I’m laughing about funny things they say and do, sometimes I’m wondering how they’re feeling, and often I’m praying for their well-being.  I have to admit that I am a skilled and accomplished worrier.  I have spent many hours honing the skill before and during this mission.  

In 1833, Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon were called on a mission. The work had to go on—nothing could stop it. On October 11, Joseph wrote in his journal, “I feel very well in my mind. The Lord is with us, but have much anxiety about my family.”

Joseph, as a missionary, had the same worries that I have—his family. The Lord’s response to his anxiety came the next day in a revelation found in section 100 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Verse 1 says,  “Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you, my friends Sidney and Joseph, your families are well; they are in mine hands, and I will do with them as seemeth me good; for in me there is all power.”

I found this scripture before I left for New Zealand and it gave me great comfort, for I knew it applied to my family as well.  However, I think I misinterpreted it.  I read the words, “they are in mine hands”, and then skipped to, “in me there is all power”.  Somehow I expected that with the Lord taking charge in my absence (like he wasn’t in charge all along), he would simply do all the things I would do for them and more, because he has more power than I do.  In short, the next 18 months would be smooth sailing for those left at home.  I would do what I could on this end, i.e. fast, pray,and do the Lord’s work here, and he would calm the troubled waters of life at home.  You who are smarter than I am are laughing at my naivety. 

This past year has been a lesson in faith; what it is and what it is not.  About a year ago there was something I wanted desperately to happen for one of my children.  It seemed like a righteous desire, one that would be a blessing.  So I fasted and I prayed.  I hoped and I prayed.  I obeyed and I prayed. I exercised my faith and I prayed.  And, it DIDN’T happen.  Surely the problem was mine.  I didn’t have enough faith.  I didn’t fast enough.  I didn’t obey enough.  How could I develop faith strong enough to make things happen?  I was angry, I was discouraged, I was shaken.  And then the Lord started tutoring.  I learned that no matter how much effort I put into it, I cannot generate faith on my own.  Rather, it is a gift from God. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)  I have come to realize that I have already been gifted great faith, and the next step in this learning process has been to understand that faith and how to exercise it. 

I learned that faith is not just positive thinking or unwavering personal will or resolve.  Faith is the power of God and can only be used to fulfill his purposes.  It can never be used in contradiction to his will.  Bruce R. McConkie taught, “Faith cannot be exercised contrary to the order of heaven or contrary to the will and purposes of him whose power it is.” 

Those of you who are far ahead of me in spiritual development will find that very elementary, but to me it was earth shattering and pushed me to a whole new level of understanding.  If that is true, then I can stop beating myself up for not having enough faith or being good enough to qualify for some of the things I have been desiring for a very long time.  Perhaps it’s not about me.  Maybe it is about God’s plan and his will.  Then, what am I to be doing with this faith, with my prayers, with my fasting?  I am to find out the will of God and then exert every effort to help him achieve his will.  McConkie again, “Men work by faith when they are in tune with the Spirit and when what they seek to do by mental exertion and by the spoken word is the mind and will of the Lord.”

I can and will seek for direction and guidance, and I can and will act with courage and forthrightness when I know his will.  And when I am unsure…I can trust.  I can and will ‘wait upon the Lord’.  (I loved Elder Hales talk in conference. It is some of the mortar that is helping me build my impenetrable wall of faith.) Those who are not worry-driven or anxiety-ridden can never understand the peace that follows that understanding.  I am only expected to help the Lord in his mighty work.  I do not have to work with all my energy to convince him to help me do mine.  I do not have a work.  It is all his.  And he has such a vast view and understanding. 

It is not easy for a person who feels the need to control and who wants to know the end from the beginning to let it all go, but the trade off is well worth it.  I have had moments of sublime peace lately.  The problems have not all been solved, but I do know that he is working on them in his own way—”as seemeth me good”. Those are the key words in that scripture, the ones I had overlooked. 

To my family, I love you all, as does he.  I’m absolutely sure of it.