Of Love on Valentine’s Day

I feel like I have been enrolled in a special university course this last 18 months, a course for a slow learner, one who has been taught but has failed to have the truths catch hold soul deep.  I have had intensive lessons in faith, agency, enduring, parenting, priesthood, and more.  I wanted to write a report on my latest course…Love 101.

I have enjoyed teaching the institute class on Preparing for Celestial Marriage.  The students have been enthusiastic and we have all been reminded of the sublime joy that can only come as we participate in eternal families.  It has also stirred much reflection about my own marriage.  Some things I have always known; John and I love each other, I have never known a finer man, and marrying him was the best decision I ever made.  I have been extremely blessed and I know it.  John is never critical of me and seems to love me in spite of all my weaknesses.  I, regretfully, for 38 years have pointed out to him each of his flaws.  They are small and of no eternal significance, but if I’m tired or stressed, they are hurled back at him.  [I’m rather ashamed to write these things, but they will come as no surprise to those who know us both.]

One of the biggest frustrations I have met on this mission is the fact that John’s goodness has been amplified and my shortcomings have been glaring.  His goodness made me feel so awful about myself.  Why couldn’t he complain, just once?  Didn’t he ever get tired?  If so, why didn’t he ever say so?  Did he have to hurry so fast to wash the dishes or make the bed?  Couldn’t we just sit for a minute?

My discomfort in seeing me as I really am, has caused even more criticism on my part.  Even though I’ve had to stretch to find things to criticize, I have been successful and have had to ask forgiveness many times.  [By the way, he’s also very forgiving.]

As I studied in my head all that I know about love, I knew that I needed to love John more or in a better way.  I needed to love him as God and Jesus Christ love him, and I knew that kind of love needed to come from God.  I thought of the scripture in Moroni 7:48:  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ”.

In this thing, as in everything else, I needed His help.  As I walked one morning, I prayed ‘with all the energy of [my] heart’.  “If I quit voicing my criticisms, wilt thou please change my heart?  Help me to love John as thou does.”  I knew that such a blessing would require effort.  I had to hold back a tongue that has been far too loose for many years.  I had to check frustration and exercise patience, but, as I have done so, Heavenly Father has answered my prayers.  What a glorious month we have had!  I’m sure John has enjoyed his non-critical wife, but I have enjoyed it even more.  Loving someone as Christ does is the greatest feeling in the world, far better than being loved. I thank God for the gift of love.  I am grateful for this lesson and sorry that it has taken so many years to learn it. 

There is a quote from Elder Marvin J. Ashton in our manual where he reminds us that, “True love is a process.  True love requires personal action…Love takes time. Love of God takes time. Love of family takes time. Love of companion takes time.”

I feel so blessed having a Heavenly Father and a husband who have patiently waited for me to learn lessons of love.  I’m thankful for love.  I recognize from whom that feeling comes—that overwhelming, soul-filling, heart warming love I feel for my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my parents, my grandparents, my siblings and their families, my cousins, and my friends. 

I love you all on Valentine’s Day and every day!!!